Can you lead yourself?
How many times have you listened to yourself in the past hour? What about in the past day? The past month? Do you hear the small voice inside you in the face of someone telling you what is so or what you should do?
We all have moments when we become aware of our own knowing and sometimes it is in the face a perceived person of power. In moments when you are called to doubt what is true for you, you do have the power of choice. Yet fear can cause you to doubt and squash that voice that says, that is not what I want. Then, even though it does not feel right, you give in and do what another recommends.
When we resist or suppress our own knowing, the result is felt as heartache. Heartache is just that: an ache in the heart when the heart is not heeded. The result is a life without contentment or joy, a list of resentments, depression, and all the rest of it.
I learned this lesson well over the course of my life. I learned those I trusted most were in fact the primary saboteurs in my life. I bowed to what they told me to do inspite of the inner alarm that something was wrong. From a very early age, I was scared to say no to powerful people in my life and so I obeyed without question. The truth is, I did have a choice always but I was not aware of that, so I chose the outside voices as my guides. Betrayal by family, institutions, bosses, and friends was really the result of my own not listening to myself and following my own knowing. Despair is the last friend we have when we don’t stand tall in the face of outer and inner saboteurs. I did not take a step away and set up a structure to protect myself from emotional and real world harm. I did not consider I had a choice. Lesson well learned!
The question is, Do you stop and check in with yourself before deciding to follow your own knowing or to adhere to an outside prompt. When you allow fear to run the show, you are in deep trouble.
The clear message I grew up with was that I should not feel what I felt, that I should deny myself, get in line, and do what “they” told me to do or suffer being shut out and verbally condemned. At one point when I was working for an organization, I was told my feelings and my questions were irrelevant. I became a good little soldier, doing my best to please others in order to avoid punishment or rejection, but there was a part of me that tried standing up for my truth and it did not go well. I was fired from two jobs because I questioned the ethics of a superior. And a young person I know and love was jailed for peaceful protest. Powerful people don’t like to be told you have a different opinion and that your truth is just as important as the next guy.
The result was that I stopped showing up for myself. I slowly died. My spirit went to sleep and in the end I stopped caring about anything; I stopped participating in life. Despair is the friend I was left with. What many people do when they quit saying yes to themselves is to shut down, turn to drugs, alcohol, and endless streams of movies to shut out their growing heart ache in any way they can.
This pattern of dismissing one’s inner voice because of fear of a perceived more powerful person or group is really just a habit. And habits can be broken, once you see what you are doing. Habits can be broken without violent upheaval. The first step is taking time to listen to oneself which opens your awareness of what you have been doing. Then choosing to say yes to yourself in small ways, and eventually big ones. But this can only happen when you take time to get quiet and check in with yourself; to pay attention to your own voice.
When you allow yourself to hear what is true for you and what you want to do, you are becoming empowered. You will also find that there is room for every one to reach their unique heartfelt goals and dreams without stepping on another. This is because each one of us has a unique dream, unlike any other person. And no one can sabotage you unless you quit.
Write down what you want for your day, and for your life. Then be willing to take a little step toward it every day, to say yes to yourself. You will begin to create the life you want. Honor your own values and walk down the road that lights you up. You are worthy of following what calls you, from inside. You are unique and meaningful to this world. It starts with one small step. You can lead yourself.